She’s a good kid, but she has always been attracted to that life style. I stay awake at night with worry because what she’s doing is so permanent. It just breaks my heart. I tried to talk, reason with her but she’ll not stop. She has gotten several in the past year and is making plans for a arm sleeve. She lives away from home, pays (most) of her rent, we still help her with some bills, auto, etc. She has decided to be some who does piercing for a living at a tattoo shop. I feel ashamed of her decisions. I hate telling people, and I feel embarrassed when she’s around. Please help me with any feedback.

Answer:
Hey there,

I know it can be a lot to handle and hard to understand why your daughter is doing these things to her body, especially because I'm sure you cherish and love your daughter very much.

You have to understand though that since she is 18, even though that isn't extremely a mature age yet, that she is going to do what she wants to do, and it is her body. You can try to reason with her but it seems like she had a mind of her own.

Here is a way to look at it, your daughter might be getting these body mods (tattoos) and that could be making her happy, if she’s doing it because she truly enjoys getting art on her body then that's good, I just hope she isn't doing it because it's the scene she is in or an influence on her. Plus, if she's not doing drugs or something worse, then don't mind that she's getting tattoos.

I know it's hard on certain generations because some people are still not as open-minded and don't understand why people, especially woman these days are getting so many tattoos. It's really a personal thing. And you never know, if years to come tattoos might be more and more acceptable. Now-a-days, so many people have them and they aren't so badly looked upon.

I would just make sure that she’s not spending money that she has to pay for bills and such on tattoos. Tattoos can be addicting, just make sure she has those priorities in line.

Also, becoming a piercer at a tattoo shop isn't the most stable job, along with being a tattoo artist. I would speak to her and just ask her to have other career ideas in mind. It can be really hard to become super successful at those types of jobs. The shops you work for don't pay you very much and it's like you make a commission. You also have to work hard at an apprenticeship (if she can find one) and she has to make sure she knows first aid and things like that. There’s a lot of work for becoming a successful piecer.

The thing is that it is her body and she's going to make decisions with or without you. If she regrets these things in the future then that’ll be on her shoulders you know? And you can state that you tried to guide her the ideal you could.

But like I stated, tattoos isn't that bad. It might seem like it because it's something that's on your body forever…but she isn't doing drugs, she isn't being a terrible kid, and I think that's the true testament to parenting.

I have the ability to also comprehend that it might be humiliating and you feeling ashamed. You’ve that parenting extinct that makes you want to protect them in any kind of way. And I'm sure you’ll feel like this until you accept that she does this, if you do at all. Now, you don't have to accept these kinds of things that she does, you can be against it, but just make sure you understand where she’s coming from as well. Maybe you could try and speak to her and see why she gets tattoos and why she likes them so much, maybe you could have a heart to heart about it and that’ll help you see more where she is coming from.

I hope that my advice helps you out a little bit, I'm sorry if it didn’t. It's nice to see parents caring so much for their kids, and I can tell you care about your daughter very much. If she's a good kid, don't be worried about her tattoos.

I'm a female and I'm in my 20's, and although I'm not a parent, I do have a lot of tattoos as well as my boyfriend, we’re pretty much covered in them. We are good people, we don't drink, we don't do drugs, I'm a vegetarian, we also have faith and attend church. So people who are tattooed don't have some crazy lifestyle. Most of the time we are home and watching movies, haha. I just wanted to try and bring up a point that not to worry to much about her being tattooed because there are some really great tattooed people in the world. I consider my body being a canvas for art and for my personal stories. I know that I will be a mother one day, and a grandmother and I’m okay with the fact that I'll have these tattoos, even if they look crappy by then, at least I'll have stories to tell with some art to show for it.

I wish you the best of luck, and I really think it would be great if you really sat and talked to your daughter, without you getting upset, or her getting defensive and try to see where you both are coming from. It might bring you guys even closer on this subject.

All the best, and good luck! :-)

Answer:
Thats just the way she is. its her body not yours; If she wants to get tattoos thats her decision, you dont have to have it on your body. You should love your daughter whatever she’s like, not be ashamed, If it was her choice to do these things, and her choice to work where she works, you should be proud of her doing these things independantly. I know these answers probably are not what you want to here but it is true..
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If I was your daughter, I would be embarrassed to have a close-minded, judgmental parent like you. YOU are the one that should be humiliated, not her. If you’re lucky, she won't stop all contact with you. But with your current attitude, you would deserve it if she did.
Answer:
Okay, what kind of “lifestyle” does she have just because she plans on many tattoos/piercings etc.
It's important to her and it should be important to you to be a supportive mother, whether you think it looks good or not.
I’m 16 and got my 1st tat. a week ago, I love it and plan on getting more, it doens't change the person I’m or my look. It had a one-of-a-kind meaning to me, and I'm glad I did it.
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anyone saying your an awful parent… is ridiculous, they know nothing about you and im sure you're an awesome mom. i have many tattoos and even though my parents dont like them they still love me. i dont know how to explain it but you shouldnt be humiliated around her tattoos are so normal to people now that she isnt some stange weird person. im sure your daughter is beautiful and will continue to life her life the way she wants to… you should just continue being the parent you were before the tattoos….
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As a Mother I comprehend your thought process of this is FOREVER, and children don't always comprehend that.

BUT as a parent you can only love your child; we may not always like their choices but they are their choices to make and the ramifications they have to live with.

Get off her back, it will only alienate your child and start a precedent. If you did your job you're happy with the majority of her choices then promote what you are proud off and quite dwelling on what you don’t like. Cut the chord Mother……

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she is probably just as embarrassed of u are u are of her… ur ashamed of her tattoos and whatnot.. shes probably humiliated of her judgmental parent

she isn't hurting anyone and she’s being independent( which is hopefully how you raised her to be)

she isn't under ur roof anymore so let it go. are u gunna be ashamed of whoever she marries? what she names her kids? what color car she purchases?

be a good parent and support your child instead of judging her

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This is her way to expess her self to the world around her…
You should be proud that she’s out of the home and persuing her dreams .. and not judging those dreams …
She's not off going getting pregnant!
Quite frankly i think its awful that your ashamed of your own child!
She’s now 18 and an adult making her own choices, ones she will have to live with if she regrets tham at a later stage … not you.

Remember we dont own our children, they are a lend from the universe! let them fly!

Answer:
sorry but i concur, i think your attitude is awful too.
i bet your daughter looks really pretty with her body mods..its just a lot of narrow-minded old-fashioned people can't comprehend. that's ok evryone has their own tastes.
but why would you want a boring “normal” daughter who looks and dresses like every other girl her age, and has no mind or originality of her own? she’s expressing herself. you should be proud. i would love to have a daughter like that.
what’s so good about “normal”??
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I don't understand why you’re humiliated of her. Professional body modifiers are perfectly decent professionals. It is a honest job and it pays well. If she’s attracted to that lifestyle, let her be and respect her choices.
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I think it is normal to want to get Tattoos it is a good way to express yourself and Tattoos don't make a person bad. You should never be embarrassed by your child she seems like she is happy and she is making good choices so let her be.
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I think that's awful, if your child wants to be like that let her. If your embarrassed of you child i think that makes you a horrible mom personally. i'd be embarrassed if they were a druggy or something, but not because of their lifestyle choice.
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Is she on drugs? Pregnant? Have a Criminal record? Abusive to animals or the elderly? If you stated no to any of these she sounds like a good kid to me. Good job mother you raised a normal 18 year old!
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as long as she isnt doing drugs or drinking heavily or commiting armed robbery, whats the huge deal?

EVERYONE gets tattoos these days. seriously, just about each type of person on the planet has gotten a tattoo. theres nothing to be ashamed of, or embarassed about. in fact, anything you state to try and stop her is only going to make her want them more.

she’s 18 and pays her own bills for the most part. legally she can do whatever she wants tattoo and piercing wise

im sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear, i just cant stand people who act like tattoos are something to be embarassed about when people from so many differant walks of life have them. not everyone who is tattooed or does tattoos is a hoodlum or perilous or anything like that.

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I'm not going to state you're an aweful mom but you seem like a very unknowingly confused very discontent person.

The fact that you are ashamed is aweful..In fact I'm quite proud of her for being something you refuse to do and see….Shes doing what she wants and what she cares about to do with no reguards towards how everyone else has chosen to live their lives.

Each of us die with the skin we’re in..Tattooed or not. In the end its not going to matter a single bit what we did with our skin but how we spent our lives. Living and loving…..You really need to realize that for yourself and find something you love…Your life isn't over and you don't have to judge your daughter so badly..You should be behind her in whatever she does. Simply because you love her not because she looks the way you'd like her to…

Reevaluate your life and think that you might not have it for long….That little girl you gave birth to is still the same tiny girl in front of you..Reconsider your embarassment and live the very very temporary life we all live. Live, smile, and make this world superior with love and care…smile and accept her for who u gave birth to

Answer:
As much as you may disagree with what she's doing and her lifestyle, she’s your daughter and you've got to accept her for who she’s. Maybe that kind of attitude growing up had her resort to a more rebellious and opposite way of life because she felt her options were limited. She's 18. Legally she's an adult and can do (almost) as much as she pleases. If she wants to get a sleeve of tattoos, she's going to get it. Instead of disagreeing with her, try to support her or just don't comment on it. She knows that you're not so okay with it, so she should understand if you decide not to comment on the situation.

As for other people and their thoughts, screw them. They shouldn't judge your daughter on how she looks or what she has, but on what kind of person she is and if you describe you daughter to them with pride and confidence, they'll just forget about her appearance and like her based on what you stated to them.

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I have the ability to completely comprehend where you're coming from; as an adult the concept of time is absolutely different to that of an 18 year old. You’re not a terrible parent, ignore the small minded people who have answered with that kind of judgement. You are a parent and responding with the kind of concern which is appropriate when you think your child is doing something you think they will regret later.

Something to take into account is how much more socially acceptable tattoos are now. Where I work (in a very formal office) there’s a guy who comes to work each day in a pristine shirt, tie and suit; he has dreadlocks to his waist and tattoos on his hands, face and neck. He's good at his job, so no one cares.

I was a little concerned when I started reading this that you were actually the mom of a friend of my sister's. She's in the EXACT same situation you're describing (social, job, tattoos, attitude) but a couple of years older. Just think though, if your daughter makes a career out of piercing she could start her own business; if successful expand, open more shops, hire staff… Self employment may be a dream to a lot of people but this is a reality for your daughter if she works hard. Tattoos and piercings are a lifestyle choice, and if she's career savvy she could take advantage of this trend (which I think will only expand in coming years) and make a great life for herself. T

Just a last point, tattoo artists and piercers shouldn't be considered the lowest rung of society; most are self employed, have faced hardship in their lives- judgement and exclusion, creative, artistic and really very friendly people. You should be proud to take into account your daughter as part of this community! I hope I helped. :]

Answer:
You’re VILE.
For starters, Tattoos are much more acceptable than they used to be. So its not like people will recoil in horror and think she's a gang member.
Secondly, she's your daughter. I can't believe you're so ashamed of her because she's choosing to not conform to other peoples fashions and do her own things.
Tattoos are an expression of feelings and things.

Lets just hope to god she hasn't got a tattoo dedicated to you, because she's clearly not aware of your feelings.

You don't deserve to be a mom
I'm actually shocked and appalled that someone could state that about thier own child

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oh wow that is awful for you to be humiliated when she is around. you’re a ******* terrible mom! you should accept your child no matter what they decide to do with their life career wise or anything. I have tattoos and it didnt ruin my life. you just need to grow up yourself and learn to love her for who she’s. she is 18 she has the ability to do whatever the **** she wants….its her life. she isnt telling you what to do or what not to do. just think if your mother would tell you what not to do and how she hates what career you went into? would you like that? wouldnt that make you feel terrible and worthless!? no wonder why she moved out. what do you do for a living? work at the dollar store? LEARN TO BE A BETTER PARENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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im 21 years old now and iam workking on a whole sleeve of tattoos i started it when i was 18 my father was furious cuz he says it sucha permanent thing but he knows i dont do drugs injured anyone or do anything illegal..so what are u ashamed of? love ur daughter for who she’s if she a good person accept her i live away from home to since i was 18 my parents “accept” it now cuz they really have no choice and they love me they still cringe everytime i visit with a new tattoo but thats who iam and it makes me happy especiallly know that they still accept me……and as far as jobs i work at a law firm and make good $$i knew what i was gettin i to but i love tattoos so i have no problem wearin long sleeves each day!
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We're all individuals. She’s 18, and can make her own decisions. If it affects you that much, stop paying her bills and make her survive on her own. When I decided to become a tattoo artist, my parents struggled with it. We are a very hardcore Catholic family, and my parents were humiliated too. It isn’t a crime, it isn’t a sin, your daughter has found something she enjoys in life. Would you rather she mooch off of you and live on welfare? She’s being productive, and if she can pay her own bills, that's what's important. I am a very feminine woman with a lot of tattoos. They are tasteful and don't make me look like a sleaze. Be patient, get to know what your daughter is doing. I have now tattooed my dad, his first one when he was 56. Loosen up, let your daughter be herself. Ideal wishes!!!
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she's 18 she has the ability to do what she wants. you probably were a bad parent when she was younger and always nagged her and gave her ridiculous curfews and restricted her from everything else. now that shes 18 she has the freedom to do what she wants and she's out of control because she never had this freedom before. theres not much you can do now without her resenting you more.

so good job, you messed up your kid. enjoy the shame that comes with it.

Answer:
Stop supporting her financially. Period. Simple as that. Don't make the tattoos the issue, just simply stop supporting her: she's 18! When she starts crying about it, casually remind her to be sure to wear a long sleeve shirt when she goes on her next job interview. She'll get mad but she'll get the point!